It can be near-impossible to talk about the loss of a child, especially when that child is an infant or still in utero.
Yet for parents who have lost an infant or a pregnancy, talking about the experience and keeping the memories of those children alive is key to healing. On Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day Oct. 15, local advocate Jillian Chambers is once again organizing a flag-raising and the annual Wave of Light ceremony in Stratford to give Stratford and area parents like her a chance to remember, share stories and grieve as a group.
“On Aug. 10, 2015, we were having twins and on the day that our boys were born … twin B, which was Bear, he passed away,” Chambers said. “It was really unexpected. We had no idea. We had a really healthy pregnancy and it’s not something anyone thinks about or thinks is going to happen to them, but things went a little different.
“ … Two weeks later, we only took one baby (Foster Chambers) home from the hospital instead of two.”
Mourning the loss of one twin while celebrating the birth of another was an impossible mix of emotions for Jillian Chambers and her family. Her sister, Morgan Kneider-Patterson, learned about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in October and the Wave of Light ceremony, which involves a candle-lighting in communities across the country and around the world, on Oct. 15.
Though it had only been a few short months since she lost Bear, Jillian Chambers welcomed the opportunity to grieve with people who understood what she was going through.
“So that very first year, we actually hosted it in our own house,” she said. “We had a fair amount of people come and then more and more people found out about it. We had people who, 20 or 40 years ago, (lost a child and) never talked about their loss but realized you can actually be open about the things that are going on.
“Just because 40 years has passed, it doesn’t mean you forget about their birthday, your due date. So, we kind of made that available to people and we’ve done that now for nine years.”
Jillian Chambers, along with sons Foster and Archer Chambers – the latter of whom is Foster and Bear’s younger brother – are inviting the community to attend a special flag-raising ceremony in front of Stratford city hall beginning at 8:30 a.m., during which Mayor Martin Ritsma will raise the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month flag.
That night at 7:30 p.m. (doors open at 6:30 p.m.), Jillian Chambers will host the Wave of Light ceremony starting in the city hall auditorium. She is inviting anyone in Stratford and the surrounding area to attend the ceremony, light a candle in memory of a lost infant or pregnancy and share stories to keep those memories alive. Together with other ceremonies being held internationally Oct. 15, Jillian Chambers said Stratford can help generate a continuous wave of light across time zones.
“I don’t ever want Bear to be forgotten,” Jillian Chambers said. “He was a big part of our life. We parent differently because he existed. We live our lives differently because he existed; we have more patience with our kids. A baby being up crying in the middle of the night wasn’t a big deal to us. It’s just that constant reminder that life is actually really short and we should value every single day.
“And being able to support others, whether it’s the loss of a pregnancy, a miscarriage, a stillbirth; it’s important to use to allow his name to carry on.”
Jillian Chambers and her family also help raise money for the Teddy Bear & Friends campaign in support of the Stratford General Hospital’s special care nursery – the unit that took such good care of Foster after he was born. For more information on how to support that campaign by purchasing Bear merchandise and for more information on the flag-raising and Wave of Light events, visit www.grottohairstudio.com/william-bear/.
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